This is just a joke. Kinda.
1. If you knee them in the face (on accident, of course), they don't cry.
2. No figuring out what they'll eat.
3. No crying.
4. They will love you no matter what.
5. You can leave them in a crate all day without child services being contacted.
6. You can't ruin their lives.
7. Much less worrying altogether.
8. You can use a shock collar on them without child services being contacted.
9. You can chain them up without child services being contacted.
10. You don't have to birth them. (Also a perk with adoption!)
11. They are way cuter. (99.9% of babies are not cute. But mine will be!)
12. They sleep through the night (well, after like a week).
13. No diapers (once they get the idea of potty training).
14. They are always happy to see you.
Olive, I forgive you for taking a leak on my brand new mac laptop, chewing holes in the laundry room, and chewing holes in the crotch(es?) of my underpants! I shan't ever love a human baby more than you. But please stop shedding.