5.19.2008

Why dogs are better than human babies

This is just a joke. Kinda.

1. If you knee them in the face (on accident, of course), they don't cry.
2. No figuring out what they'll eat.
3. No crying.
4. They will love you no matter what.
5. You can leave them in a crate all day without child services being contacted.
6. You can't ruin their lives.
7. Much less worrying altogether.
8. You can use a shock collar on them without child services being contacted.
9. You can chain them up without child services being contacted.
10. You don't have to birth them. (Also a perk with adoption!)
11. They are way cuter. (99.9% of babies are not cute. But mine will be!)
12. They sleep through the night (well, after like a week).
13. No diapers (once they get the idea of potty training).
14. They are always happy to see you.

Olive, I forgive you for taking a leak on my brand new mac laptop, chewing holes in the laundry room, and chewing holes in the crotch(es?) of my underpants! I shan't ever love a human baby more than you. But please stop shedding.

10 comments:

Jared said...

It's amazing the places I find Olive hair.

travisandjoy said...

first off, this post is hilarious! secondly, from a person who has babies but has never had a dog, I will give you reasons why a baby is better than a dog!
-babies laugh, smile, coo, and tell you they love you/say your name (eventually).
-you don't have to take a baby on a walk to go potty. they "conveniently" will go potty anywhere they please and already trap it for you so you don't have to pick it up off the ground.
-babies don't howl or bark when people come over.
-babies don't sniff people's butts
-babies you can dress up everyday and it's cute.
-babies are always happy to see you.
just to name a few. ;)

and no, i haven't seen the movie. i just saw an interview of him. I'll have to check it out.

Clint, Jana & Dallas said...

I want to see this list again after you've had a human baby - I'd wager it will be quite a bit different, I pinky promise you won't even want to chain your own baby up :).

-Jana

Clint, Jana & Dallas said...

You are seriously baby-hating.
-Clint

jon & whit said...

KARI HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY???? i thought we were in this together!! i do agree with some of those thing BUT i still want a "human baby"!!!!

mommy dearest said...

Well, let's see.....I remember one of my brothers being tied up to a tree so he wouldn't run off. Back in the days of no CPS!

Big Z said...

Plus it is nice when the kids get older...they become the cleaner of the house, washers of the dishes, runners of errands (not there yet myself), they have great imaginations and come up with the greatest phrases and words. I still prefer my kids over a dog. Yes however it is nice cuz a dog don't cry and whine all the time. Once you have a baby, you will understand. :)

Chelsi said...

Everyone else needs to shut up. I bet they all started popping out babies at like 18. I completely agree with you! AMEN, sista!! Here's to having sex for recreational purposes only. (Ps. Another reason, dogs don't interrupt you during the afore mentioned activity. Babies do. AND dogs DO smile, coo, and tell you they love you.)

Chelsi said...

p.p.s. Not to mention that dog clothes are way cuter! Look at this bikinni I'm getting for belle. It totally matches mine!! http://www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3034321

Steph said...

Hmmmm ... I prefer babies ... real human babies .. lol .. but .. yes .. i still love my spike .. lol